The Great Role Reversal
by Faramir Fancier
Summary: Everyone is sick and tired of being themselves. They decide to switch places for the trilogy.... Features a new king, a lovesick Elf, a morbid hobbit, and a overenthused hobbit. Features the Fellowship, with more added as the movies go on. Read and Review
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Hello! It's yet another story from me! Let's see, I'd give you a summary, so here it is...in more detail!

_ :: When everyone in the fellowship decide to swap places, mass insanity ensues. We finally see Boromir's evil side, Faramir's evil side, and Denethor's nice side! Legolas gets downsized, and Pippin teaches us how to handle a bow properly! Aragorn meets and early end, and Arwen marries...someone else! People start to sing parodies of Disney Songs, and we find out why Boromir will talk with a Jamaican Accent. Disney sues LotR for plagiarism, and Pirates of the Caribbean gets thrown in, along with Harry Potter! Mass insanity and much fun!_  
  
Disclaimer: You see, I really don't own Lord of the Rings. Or Harry Potter or Pirates of the Caribbean or Disney. But, if anyone out there has a hobbit for sale, I'll take that. Preferably Pippin and Merry.

* * *

_**Chapter One: The Secret Council of Elrond's Evil Brainchild  
**_  
"Ok, everyone, now listen up! All of you are getting on my nerves. So, sit down, grab some popcorn, and watch this film so I don't have to talk to you." Elrond mutters. Everyone, which is Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Frodo, Gimli and Gandalf sit down in cinema chairs like at the movie theatre.  
  
Suddenly, a movie appears on the Wall. Yeah, the Wall.  
  
"This is the one Ring. It is evil and must be destroyed. Normally Gondor would ask for such a gift, but apparently, Mr. Gondor Representative has forgotten his lines. DUR! Now, a Ringbearer must be chosen, and this would be Frodo. Now, no one has any objections, eh? Ok? Good. Go on your stinking little quest." The movie announced says.  
  
"I have an objection. Why can't I be the Ringbearer?" Some people ask.  
  
"Ah, exactly what I wanted to hear! Now, to solve this, everyone put your name in this hat and whosever name you draw, you are that person! No, that's too confusing..erm.... Ok! Now, here's a twelve-sided dice! Roll the dice! If you get a number one, you are Aragorn. If you get number two, you are Boromir. If you get number three, you are Frodo. If you get number four, you are Gandalf. If you get number five, you are Gimli. If you get number six, you are Legolas. If you get number seven, you are Merry. If you get number eight, you are Pippin, and if you get number nine, you are Sam. If you get a ten, eleven or twelve, re-roll. Do this until everyone has another person to be." Elrond exclaims.  
  
"Fine." Everyone says.  
  
**Aragorn rolls first.  
**  
"Number....2. That means I'm Boromir." Aragorn says.  
  
**The Boromir rolls.**  
  
"Number...1! Boo-yah! I'm Aragorn!!" he screams.  
  
**Then comes Frodo.  
**  
"Number...5. Gimli?" Frodo asks.  
  
**Next is Gandalf.**  
  
"Number...8? Pippin?!" He shrieks.  
  
**Then goes Gimli.  
**  
"Number...9? Sam. I'm Sam." He says, rather unenthused.  
  
**Legolas goes next.  
**  
"A number..3! I'm Frodo! I have the Ring!!" He shrieks.  
  
**Then comes Merry.**  
  
"Number...7? I got myself. I am myself." He says.  
  
"Well, you can re-roll.." Elrond implies.  
  
"No, thanks, I like being myself."  
  
**Then goes Pippin.  
**  
"Number...6! Ooo! I'm LEGOLAS!! YAY!!!" He shrieks.  
  
"Great." Legolas says.  
  
**Last but not least is Sam.**  
  
"That means I have to be Gandalf! I'm a Wizard!!" He says happily.  
  
"Ok, everyone, now that you have your other parts, you should all go exchange clothes or something to make yourself look like the person you'll be." Elrond says.  
  
"Ok, Elrond." They all chirp. Everyone walks off.

* * *

A/N: Well, did you like it? The great Role Reversal has begun! YAY!! Or not, whatever. So review! And I will give you... PIZZA! Please review my story!!!


	2. As Everyone Makes Ready to Leave

A/N: Well, here is part two of the Great Role Reversal. And these are the characters as whom they have selected to play:  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

**_Chapter Two: The Fellowship Leaves Rivendell_**  
  
"Where's Arwen?" Boromir asks, looking all Aragorn-y.  
  
"I have no clue. She's your girlfriend, idiot." Aragorn replies sullenly.  
  
"Why does this authoress seem to think it funny that I get all the girls now? WHY?" Boromir screams.  
  
"...."  
  
"Well, guess I should try to find her." Boromir says, walking away.  
  
"O..k.." Aragorn said.  
  
Boromir walks out, whistling a happy tune, when he nearly runs over Sam.  
  
"Whoa! Sorry, didn't see you, little buddy." Boromir says.  
  
"Urgh. This robe is giving me problems." Sam grunts, showing Boromir his too long robe.  
  
"Well, why don't you ask Arwen to put a hem on it?" Boromir asks.  
  
"She's not a homemaker, you know." Sam warns.  
  
"Oh. Ok." Boromir says.  
  
Soon, he came upon Pippin, who was aiming at things with his bow.  
  
"Lookee! Lookee! I'm an ARCHER! Boom! You're dead!! HAHA!" he laughs maniacally.  
  
"Stop, son, you'll poke someone's eye out. Probably yours." Boromir warns.  
  
"I am NOT you SON!!" Pippin screams.  
  
"Calm down, spaz, it's just an expression." Boromir says, walking on.  
  
He soon comes upon Aragorn again.  
  
"How're you doing, man? It's not easy being me."  
  
"You sound like Kermit the Frog." Aragorn says, struggling to put on Boromir's leather jacket-y thing.  
  
"Well, how do you know I'm not Kermit the Frog? Huh?" Boromir says.  
  
"Well, you sure as heck don't look like a frog...and you don't act like a frog...you are not a frog, my friend." Aragorn says.  
  
"Dang."  
  
He soon comes upon Legolas and Gimli, who hate each other's guts and are, ironically, Frodo and Sam.  
  
"I am NOT friends with an ELF!" Gimli yells.  
  
"Yeah? Well I'm NOT friends with a DWARF!" Legolas retorts.  
  
"Well, you're both hobbits, so...." Boromir says, trying to help.  
  
"Shut it, you!" snarls Gimli.  
  
"Fine! Just trying to help, don't have a mumakil!" Boromir says.  
  
Gandalf is sitting on a rock and moping about.  
  
"Why? Why, Eru, why? Why am I Pippin? Of all things!" He moans.  
  
"Hey, it could be worse." Boromir says.  
  
"NO IT CAN'T!!!" Gandalf screams, tossing a shoe at Boromir.  
  
Boromir runs away and comes upon Frodo.  
  
"I am a DWARF! I have an AXE!! FEAR ME!!!" Frodo screams, running around with the axe and falling under the weight of Gimli's armor.  
  
"Take it easy, son." Boromir says.  
  
"I'M NOT YOUR SON!!" Frodo screams.  
  
"JEEZE! It's an EXPRESSION! A FIGURE OF SPEECH! ARE YOU HOBBITS THAT THICK???" Boromir screams, thoroughly appalled.  
  
"Well, you know..."  
  
"Shut it, halfling."  
  
"Fine!"  
  
Boromir walks away, screaming.  
  
"It's not easy being me!" Aragorn yells after him and receives the Look of Death from Boromir.

* * *

A/N: Sure hope you liked it! There will be more! Legolas will give you a kiss if you review! See how I must bribe you people? SEE? 


	3. Finally Getting Out of Rivendell

A/N: Here are your pizzas! Enjoy, made fresh and just the way you like 'em!

**Aragorn** = Boromir

**Boromir** = Aragorn

**Frodo** = Gimli

**Gandalf** = Pippin

**Gimli** = Sam

**Legolas** = Frodo

**Merry** = Merry

Pippin = Legolas

**Sam** = Gandalf.

Please note that if it says 'Mordor, Gandalf, is it left or right?' it is Legolas talking to Sam.

* * *

**_Chapter Three: They Are Really Going To Leave Now!  
_**  
As everyone assembles at the gates of Rivendell, Arwen comes running up to Aragorn, who backs away.  
  
"Aragorn, why?" Arwen asks.  
  
"I'm, er, not Aragorn." He replies stiffly.  
  
"I am." Boromir says.  
  
"Oh. In that case..." Arwen says, as from out of our vision a voice yells, "Take Two!"  
  
Arwen runs up to Boromir as Elrond sighs. 

"Idiot daughter." He says, completely forgeting that this was indeed his idea.  
  
"I'll miss you!" Arwen says, crying hysterically.  
  
"There, there, I'll be back, er, shortly." Boromir says, patting her on the back and looking shocked.  
  
"Remember me, ok?" She asks.  
  
"Erm, sure, honey." Boromir says shakily.  
  
"Oh, Aragorn!" Arwen says.  
  
"Eh.." Says Boromir, patting her on the back again.  
  
"Ugh." Sighs Aragorn.  
  
"Ok, people, go out there and save the world!" Elrond screams.  
  
The fellowship hikes through the gates, as Arwen waves and the Elf Band plays a song.  
  
"Where are we going?" Asks Legolas.  
  
"Hey! Wrong line!" hisses Aragorn.  
  
"Mordor, Gandalf. Is it left or right?" Asks Legolas.  
  
"Er...right?" Sam replies. They all turn right...  
  
After walking 20 miles, Boromir suddenly realizes that they have indeed been going the wrong way. So, with sighs, they turn around and hike back the way they came.  
  
"I knew Sam shouldn't have been Gandalf!" Aragorn complains.  
  
"Grrr.."  
  
As they march back past Rivendell, Arwen comes tearing out of the gates.  
  
"Back already, honey?" She asks.  
  
"Er, no, d-dear." Boromir says.  
  
"Aww. Well, I'll wait right here." She says, plopping down on a rock.  
  
"How bout you wait inside?" Boromir suggests.  
  
"Good idea!" Arwen replies and runs back inside.  
  
"How did you ever find her attractive?" Boromir asks Aragorn.  
  
"I...you know, Boromir, I really don't know!" Aragorn replies.  
  
They soon come upon some rocky place and decide to camp there for the night.

* * *

A/N: Well! Now that Legolas is about to shout 'Crebain from Dunland!' and such, I think I should tell you that I elapsed time to make the story go faster and funner! Free Hot Dogs and Fries to all who review! Yay! 


	4. Gandalf the Immature and Pippin the Wise...

A/N: Yes, Arwen the Eversmart...? Well, we'll just continue on! Whoop de do!  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

**_Chapter Four: Pippin Becomes Smart and Gandalf Has a Hissy Fit  
_**  
"Are we there yet?" Asked Frodo.  
  
"Does it look like it?" Asked a rather annoyed Boromir, posing as Aragorn.  
  
"We look as though we've stopped." Said Gandalf.  
  
"No, really?" said Boromir, rather sarcastically.  
  
"Well, let's rest or something." Suggested Aragorn.  
  
"Fine."  
  
Everyone sat down, and Gimli started a fire. He began to cook something and offered it to Legolas, who took it and tossed it into the bushes.  
  
"Fool of an Elf!" Gimli roared, as the very earth shook.  
  
"That's my line!" Sam protested.  
  
"So sorry."  
  
"Look! Crebain from Dunland!" Pippin shouted.  
  
Everyone dove for cover.

"No! What if they poop on my hair?" Asked Legolas.  
  
"Oh, grow up!" Boromir said, slapping the Elf across the face.  
  
"You hurt me, Aragorn." Legolas whimpered.  
  
"I never touched you!" The real Aragorn protested.  
  
"No, you're Boromir." Boromir said.  
  
Soon, the crebain left. They all climbed out and resumed their previous activities.  
  
"Hey, Merry and Pippin!" Aragorn yelled.  
  
"What, Boromir?" asked Gandalf and Merry, who were the only ones to actually understand all this.  
  
"Well, I'm gonna teach you how to swordfight!" Aragorn said.  
  
Merry and Gandalf grabbed their hobbit swords and proceeded to fight Aragorn. Boromir jumped in and got knocked over, with a "Boo yah!" from Gandalf.  
  
"Well, I do believe that we should go through the pass of Charadras." Sam the Wizard says.  
  
"Well, no objections here." Merry, Gandalf, Legolas and Gimli say.  
  
"Hey! We should go through the mountain!" Frodo objects.  
  
"We should go through the Gap of Rohan! And then go to my city!" Aragorn says.  
  
"No! CHARADRAS CHARADRAS CHARADRAS!!!" Gandalf yells.  
  
"Jeeze, don't have a fit!" Aragorn and Boromir say together.  
  
"No! Shut up!" Gandalf whines.  
  
"Wow."  
  
"I WANNA GO OVER THE MOUNTAIN!!! CHARADRAS, CHARADRAS, CHARADRAS!!" He screams, beating the ground.  
  
"Erm, is he ok?"  
  
"CHARADRAS!! I WANNA GO OVER THE MOUNTAIN!! I WANNA GO OVER THE MOU-MOU- MOUNTAIN!!!" Gandalf sobs hysterically.  
  
"Well, I guess we should at least try." The others say.  
  
"Alright. Over we go."  
  
And so they begin the trek up Charadras....

* * *

A/N: Well, I sure hoped y'all enjoyed it! A new chapter is on the way... So look for it soon on a computer screen near you!


	5. Mayhap! says Aragorn, LegoPip, and The G...

A/N: So here is it, the trek up Charadras. Yes! Soon, more insanity and fun! And this is one looong story encompassing the WHOLE trilogy! Whoo!  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

**_Chapter Five: The Long-Awaited Trek Up Charadras_**  
  
"I'm freezing! My feet are cold! I'm tired!" Moans Gandalf.  
  
"Oh, shut up." Snaps Boromir, whose lips are blue.  
  
"I need to rest. I'm so tired!" Moans Merry.  
  
"Look! There! We can stop or something!" Sam the Wizard says.  
  
"That's a cliff, my dearest Hobbit-Wizard." Says Aragorn.  
  
"No, duh. I'm not stupid, ya know!" Sam retorts.  
  
"Could have fooled me!" Frodo mutters.  
  
"What was that, dwarf?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"I'm tired! I'm cold! I'm hungry!" Moans Legolas.  
  
"I need to rest, also. I have been trekking along but this is too much." Gimli says.  
  
"Come on, guys! Let me, Lego-Pip, lead you up the mountain!" says Pippin, dancing on top of the snow.  
  
"Lego-Pip? That's a really ingenious name, to be sure." Says Boromir.  
  
"Lego-Pip!"  
  
"Mayhap we should just call him Pippin." Suggests Aragorn.  
  
"Mayhap? Even I never got that far in advanced vocab!" Boromir complains.  
  
"Mayhap, mayhap, mayhap!" Aragorn says, waltzing around and falling in the snow.  
  
"I can walk on snow!" Pippin exclaims.  
  
"Yeah. You aren't able to hide a toothpick in that snow." Boromir says.  
  
"YOU RUINED THE MOMENT! YOU MUST DIE!" Pippin says, aiming an arrow at Boromir's heart.  
  
"No! Don't waste the arrows!" Says Gimli.  
  
"Fine." Pippin pouts, putting the arrow away.  
  
Suddenly...  
  
"There is a fell voice on the air!" Pip exclaims.  
  
"Why can't he just say, 'there is a foul voice in the air'? Why?" Boromir mutters.  
  
"It's, erm, Sauruman!" Exclaims Sam.  
  
"No! What does he want?"  
  
"Erm, well, I'd guess to get off the mountain." Sam says.  
  
"Now that's a good idea!" Gandalf says.  
  
"Amen to that."  
  
"Fine. We'll get off. Now we either have to go through the mines or the Gap of Rohan." Sam says.  
  
"Didn't we cross off the Gap of Rohan?"  
  
"Apparently not."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"I'll let the Ringbearer decide." Sam says, as eyes fall upon our lovely Elf prince.  
  
"Erm, Gap?"  
  
"Yes, the Gap of Rohan."  
  
"We'll go through the Gap!" says Legolas.  
  
"If you're sure..."  
  
"Totally!"  
  
And so, they turn from the mountain and decide to go through the Gap of Rohan...

* * *

A/N: This story will have a mess of errors, and so it will be long, exciting and fun! Whoop! And now, they will continue through the Gap! For references, I have no idea what Mayhap means, I just had to throw it in. Sounds funny, no? Well, now that Legolas thinks that there is a Gap store at the Gap of Rohan.... Please review! 


	6. Not Shooting the Gap

A/N: Well, now that we've all decided to go through the Gap of Rohan...  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

**_Chapter Six: The Gap of Rohan-Not an Actual Store_**  
  
"Oh my God! The Gap of Rohan! I can get that belt and the mini-skirt for my girlfriend!" Legolas says.  
  
"Thank heavens. I though he wanted to buy the skirt for himself." Boromir says.  
  
"Well, my girlfriend doesn't exist. I really want that skirt..." Legolas says.  
  
"AAH!" All the others scream.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Legolas don't talk without knowing what you're saying." Aragorn says.  
  
"Fine, Boromir of Gondor, who thinks he's better than everyone else!" Legolas says.  
  
"Hey, maybe I am!" Aragorn replies.  
  
"Yeah, maybe he is!" Boromir says.  
  
"Well, you know what? This fellowship sucks." Legolas says.  
  
"Legolas Greenleaf Frodo Baggins!" Boromir gasps.  
  
"Hey, it's true."  
  
"Is not!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Look, this Gap of Rohan business is horrid." Frodo complains.  
  
"I'm tired. Can't shoot bow. Need refueling..." Pippin moans.  
  
"Uh, Elves don't feel tired." Legolas points out.  
  
"Well, that bites." Pip says.  
  
"Can't we just go through the mines?" Gimli asks.  
  
"Look, we left this up to the Ringbearer, and the Ringbearer says go through the Gap. Plus, then we can go through Minas Tirith and re-supply and head into Mordor with a force behind us!" Sam says.  
  
"Yeah, but the Gap leads us too close to Isengard!" Boromir says.  
  
"Fine. Ringbearer, should we continue towards the Gap?"  
  
"I need that pair of jeans..." Legolas whines.  
  
"You idiot! The Gap of Rohan isn't a Gap Store! It's a natural land formation!" Boromir says.  
  
"So, you lead us this way all for nothing?" Merry asks.  
  
"I guess I did." Legolas says.  
  
"Fool of an Elf!" Sam says.  
  
"I'm sorry, my best friend Hobbit-Wizard! Forgive me!" Legolas says.  
  
"Well, it's a little too late. We've been going this way for hours." Sam says.  
  
"We should just leave him here." Gimli says.  
  
"That would kill him!" Pippin says in amazement.  
  
"Yeah? So?" Gimli asks, with an evil glint in his eyes.  
  
"We can't kill anyone! That's why Eru invented Orcs!" Pippin says.  
  
"Whoa."  
  
"Yeah. We might as well just turn around and go through the mines."  
  
"Yeah. The pass south is being watched, anyway." Legolas says.  
  
"By who?"  
  
"Those crebain." Pip says.  
  
"How'd you know that?"  
  
"I guessed."  
  
"Really, Pip, how?"  
  
"Madame Cleo looked in my tea leaves and told me." Pip says.  
  
"Madame Cleo?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Fool of a Took!" Sam says, grinning broadly.  
  
"Why are you smiling?"  
  
"I always wanted to say that."  
  
"Oh, ok."  
  
"Look, we best turn around and move towards the mines." Legolas says sadly.  
  
"Fine. Let's turn around."  
  
And so, after saying that sentence multiple times, they turn around and head towards The Mines Of Moria.

* * *

A/N: Yes, another chapter done. This one seemed short, but that's just me. Look for more soon. I'm sorry for lack of humor, but I'm brainfried. I've been writing too hard to appease the masses. But, here I am struggling at this computer to please you. Feel my pain and review! 


	7. Boromir is POed and they Reach the Mines

A/N: I think my wonderful reviewers deserve large amounts of cash and Sushi for their efforts. You people rock! I love you all for your dedication and commitment! Sob...so happy!  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

_**Chapter Seven: Deja vu, Anyone?**_  
  
"Didn't we already come this way?" Merry whines.  
  
"Look! All of you! SHUT UP! I'm so sick of all of you! The next person I hear make a _peep_ will be silenced forever! Care to argue?" Boromir yells, his eyes wild with anger and frenzy.  
  
"Er.." Pip started, but Merry socks him in the stomach.  
  
"Ok. Everyone, let's get our sorry rear ends over to the Mines of Moria." Boromir says.  
  
The Fellowship starts heading towards Moria.  
  
"I have a strong sense of Deja vu." Sam says.  
  
"HEY! What did I tell you?" Boromir asks, snapping around.  
  
"Sorry." Sam mutters.  
  
"Ok. Let's go."  
  
After trekking on, and Merry whining about cramps and hunger pains, Boromir having to be restrained before slaughtering Merry, three threats, seven bribes, and 24 apples latter, they arrive at the gates of Moria.

"How do we get in?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Well, you need to speak the password." Gandalf says.  
  
"How did Pippin know that?"  
  
"Oh, whatever. It mirrors starlight and moonlight, anyway." Sam says, as the door illuminates.  
  
"Speak the password, already!" Gandalf says.  
  
"Erm....Please?"  
  
The Door stays still. It then laughs.  
  
"Did that thing just laugh?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Have you been smoking?"  
  
"No."  
  
The Door chuckles.  
  
"I knew it!" Aragorn screams.  
  
"Can you please open?" Sam asks.  
  
"Mellon!! MELLON!" Gandalf screams.  
  
The Door opens, and the Fellowship enters.  
  
"I hate it here." Pippin whispers.  
  
"GASP!" Legolas gasps.  
  
"This is no mine." Aragorn says.  
  
"Look! A sk—."  
  
"Shh!"  
  
"A what?"  
  
"I don't know." Pip says.  
  
"O, god! These people..."  
  
"Dwarves!" Gimli says, along with Frodo.  
  
"These dwarves died!" Boromir says.  
  
"How?"  
  
"They just did!"  
  
"Old age."

"We're standing in a room with DEAD PEOPLE!!!" Pippin screams.  
  
"Let's get outta here!!!" and everyone runs out, only to meet...the Watcher in the Water!!

* * *

A/N: Ooh! A Cliffhanger! Stay tuned for the excitement!! Review and get lots of goodies for free! So review! Next will end the cliffhanger and they will finally start to follow the book and movie!


	8. The Watcher, The Mines, and The Morgue

A/N: Hello, loyal reviewers! You deserve lots of pizza and cash for your efforts. (Hands out pizza and cash) Well, review! Because I know you just want more and more cash!  
  
**Aragorn = Boromir  
  
Boromir = Aragorn  
  
Frodo = Gimli  
  
Gandalf = Pippin  
  
Gimli = Sam  
  
Legolas = Frodo  
  
Merry = Merry  
  
Pippin = Legolas  
  
Sam = Gandalf

* * *

**_**Chapter Eight: The Watcher, The Mine, and The Morgue.  
**_  
"Aiii!" Screams Legolas.  
  
"We must fight!" Screams Boromir.  
  
"Ok, sure!" Aragorn says.  
  
Aragorn and Boromir run towards the watcher, who has grabbed Legolas. After all, he is Frodo.  
  
"Help meeeee!" he screams.  
  
"Mr. Frodo!" Screams Gimli, who is Sam.  
  
"HELP!!" Legolas screams.  
  
Frodo runs in with his axe and hacks wildly at the Watcher.  
  
"For the SHIRE!!!!!" Pippin screams.  
  
"Pip-pin!" Merry says.  
  
"Uh, I mean...FOR MIRKWOOD!!!" Pippin yells, running in.  
  
Gandalf looks on in horror, as does Merry.  
  
Sam goes and sits by the Door.  
  
"So, is he always so PMS-y?" Sam asks, meaning the Watcher.  
  
"Most of the time."  
  
"AIII!!" Screams Legolas.  
  
"Noooooo!" Everyone yells, as Legolas gets swallowed.  
  
"HELP MEEEEEEEE!!" Legolas screams, although the sound is muffled, due to the fact that he is inside the Watcher.  
  
"It's really quite filthy in here." He says from inside.  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!!!!" Aragorn screams.  
  
"WHAT?" Asks Pippin, who is shooting arrows into the Watcher.  
  
"Oh, so sorry. FRODO!!" Aragorn screams.  
  
Aragorn looks around, as he is the only one charging the Watcher.  
  
"Help me, guys!" he says.  
  
"FOR GONDOR!!!!" Boromir screams.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"FOR...THE SHIRE!!" Yells Gimli.  
  
And soon, Legolas is cut out of the Watcher, who took this opportunity to go have plastic surgery and get some of those pesky tentacles removed.  
  
But this was only after they got locked in the Mines. The Watcher destroyed the Door, much to the dismay of Sam, who was actually enjoying his meaningful chat on tarot cards and Ouiji boards. (Or however you spell those things)  
  
"Poor Door.." Sam moans.  
  
"It was a door." Aragorn says.  
  
"Not door! DOOR!!" Sam screams.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Perhaps we should move on." Boromir suggests.  
  
They move on through the Mine.  
  
"This is like a morgue or something." Pip says.  
  
"Where does he get those words? Morgue?"  
  
"Even I didn't know that one."  
  
"I'm just smart like that."  
  
"Sure, Pippin."  
  
They continue on, until they reach three tunnels and can't decide which way to go.

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Look for more soon!! Review and get gifts from me! 


	9. In Moria, Rhyme, Verse, Sam Swearing, an...

A/N: Hey! It's another chapter from me! So, now that I've given cash and free stuff, it's time to hand out...pennies! Everyone needs pennies! 100 free when you review!  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

**_Chapter Nine: Follow Your Nose!_**  
  
"I'm hungry, Merry!" Gandalf whines.  
  
"Shut up! I'm trying to figure out which way to go!" Sam says.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Ok, now that we're all here, I think we should have a story telling time!" Legolas says.  
  
"Fine. Aragorn, you start."  
  
"FINE!" Boromir yells.  
  
"There was once a King who found a Ring, and this Ring was greatly evil.   
He searched all day for a year and a day and he suddenly found a...weevil.  
He killed the weevil and loved the Ring, but this man was a foolish old King, and soon he gave into temptation.   
And his weakness at this came down like a fist and destroyed the whole nation." Boromir says.  
  
"Was that...verse?"  
  
"Probably. It just popped into my head."  
  
"That was good!"  
  
"Boromir, go next."  
  
"There was an Elf and there was a man and they lived in this world of ours.   
And everyday they talked and played and whiled away the hours.  
Until one day when the man died and the Elf was cast into grief.   
And the Elf died, too, for she had sworn that a mortal life her's would be." Aragorn says.  
  
"Wow. Touching."  
  
"Ok. Gimli, go!"  
  
"There was once a fork and there once was a spoon   
And they frolicked and played on the side of the moon.   
Then there was a cow who kicked a pale  
And that is the telling of this tale." Frodo says.  
  
"That was short and stupid."  
  
"Of, Gandalf, go next."  
  
"There once was a beer in a merry old town   
Where people would come from miles around.   
And the people would drink and the people would laugh   
And they all stank cause no one ever had a bath.  
And this bar was quaint and it really was swell  
Because its water was that of a local well.  
And this bar as you know is not a phony  
Rather it a tavern called the Prancing Pony." Sam says.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Legolas!"  
  
"Ai! laurie lantar lassi surinen, yeni unotime ve ramar aldaron! Yeni ve linte yuldat avanier mi oromardi lisse-miruvoreva Andune pella, Vardo tellumar nu luni yassen tintilar i eleni omaryo airetari-lirinen. Si man i yulma nin enquantuva? An si Tintalle Vardo Oiolosseo ve fanyar maryat Elentari ortane ar ilye tier undulave lumbule ar sindanoriello caita mornie i falmalinnar imbe met, ar hisie untupa Calaciryo miri oiale. Si vanwa na, Romello vanwa, Valimar! Namarie! Nai hiruvalye Valimar! Nai elye hiruva! Namarie!" Pip says in flawless Elvish.  
  
"What did that mean?"  
  
"Ah! Like gold fall the leaves in the wind, long years numberless as the wings of trees! The long years have passed like swift draughts of the sweet mead in lofty halls beyond the West, beneath the blue vaults of Varda wherein the stars tremble, in the voice of her song, holy and queenly. Who now shall refill the cup for me? For now the Kindler, Varda, the Queen of the Stars, from Mount Everwhite has uplifted her hands like clouds, and all paths are drowned deep in shadow; and out of a gray country darkness lies on the foaming waves between us, and mist covers the jewels or Calacirya for ever. Now lost, lost to those of the East is Valimar! Farewell! Maybe thou shall find Valimar! Maybe even thou shalt find it! Farewell!" Pip translates. After all, he is Legolas and is SMART!  
  
"That was...touching." Boromir sniffs.  
  
"Ok. I think Merry should go before I cry."  
  
"I loved that." Legolas says.  
  
"Merry, just go." Aragorn says, his voice cracking.  
  
"Oh, you can search far and wide   
You can drink the whole town dry   
But you'll never find a beer so brown   
As the one we drink in our hometown!  
You can keep your fancy ales  
You can drink 'em by the flagon  
But the only brew for the brace and true   
Comes from the Green Dragon!" Merry says.  
  
"Ok. That was just....ok. Let's have Pippin go."  
  
"I really hate you all and advise you to jump off a cliff." Gandalf says.  
  
"Wow, Pip, you're an idiot." Sam says.  
  
"Ok. Let's all just have Frodo go or whatever."  
  
"Maybe we should just stop!"  
  
"Good idea."  
  
They continue to sit there in boredom.  
  
"Hey, uh, shouldn't we use the staff as light?"  
  
"Didn't we?"  
  
"Why is it dark, then?"  
  
"Ok, hold on..."  
  
Sam mutters something and....the light doesn't go on.  
  
"DAMN YOU, YOU FUCKING STAFF!!!" Sam screams.  
  
He twumps the staff against the ground...and the light goes on.  
  
"Uh...Sam? Are you sure you can say those things in a PG-13 fic?"  
  
"Screw it if I can't, Aragorn, and I'm not Sam! I'm GANDALF!!!" Sam yells at Boromir, who is Aragorn.  
  
"Well, I'm sor-ry, Mr.!!" Boromir yells.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!" and with that, everyone shuts up.  
  
"Now, I think I've found the way out."  
  
And they all head down the tunnel on the right. I don't care if that's the way they went or not, they just go that way. Whose fic is it? MINE! Who makes the rules? Well, actually Tolkien did but it's my fic so nyah!  
  
"How did you figure that one?" Merry asks.  
  
"Well, it smells like ale down here, and I know we all love ale, so I think it's this way."  
  
"So follow your nose?"  
  
"I guess. If you want to put it that way." Sam shrugs.  
  
So after hiking down the tunnel, they arrive in some big hallway.  
  
"Moria...." Everyone breathes in awe.  
  
And then, Frodo notices something...

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked it. I had fun writing Sam's little anger part, and I don't know why everyone was talking in rhyme. It just is funnier...I guess. So, whatever, review and get free stuff! 


	10. The Tomb and Boromir the Fighter!

A/N: Welcome back! And on with the reversal... More free pennies and a house in Mordor if you review!!! How can you say no to that?  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

_**Chapter Ten: Aragorn Says Boromir's Famous Line and Boromir Gets Fancy**_  
  
"NOOO!!" Frodo wails, running into a side room and up to a little marble slab box thing.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Here lies Balin son of someone Lord of Moria." Sam translates.  
  
"Wow, Frodo, you get really choked up about someone dying you don't even know." Legolas says.  
  
"Well, he owed Bilbo money and never paid up." Frodo says.  
  
"Ok. Hold this, Peregrin Took." Sam says, handing Gandalf his staff and hat.  
  
"Why on earth would you read from that dirty old book?" Legolas asks.  
  
"Shut it, Elfie." Sam growls.  
  
"We cannot get out, yadda yadda, we're stuck, blah blah blah...."  
  
Suddenly, a loud _ker-thunk_! Is heard.  
  
"Fool of a Took!" Sam says.  
  
"Sorry, honorable Sam Wizard!!" Gandalf says, cowering.  
  
"You'd better be."  
  
Suddenly, the pounding of drums is heard.  
  
Aragorn runs towards the door. Two arrows nearly hit his nose.  
  
"They have a cave troll!" He says, as Pippin and Boromir run over and close the door and bolt it.  
  
Pippin draws his bow and prepares to fire.  
  
"_Faeg I-varve...dîn na lanc a nu ranc_." Pippin says.  
  
"Where does he learn this Elvish?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"I'm just smart like that!" Pippin yells, shooting an arrow at a goblin or Orc or whatever it is that comes through the door.  
  
"Good shot!" Legolas says, hiding with Gimli, Gandalf, and Merry behind the tomb.  
  
"GRRR! There is still one dwarf in Moria that still draws breath!" Frodo yells, standing atop the tomb.  
  
Boromir shoots his bow (remember, Aragorn has a bow in this scene, watch it if you doubt me!) and fells a goblin. Or Orc. Whatever.  
  
Aragorn does that awesome little Boromir sword twirl thing (again, go watch the scene if you doubt) and prepares for battle.  
  
Pippin shoots another arrow and fells another Orc/Goblin.  
  
Suddenly, a cave troll breaks through the door.  
  
"AAAAA!!!!!!!!" Gandalf yells, nearly wetting himself.  
  
"I told you!!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Watch!" Boromir says, doing a fancy move and stabbing three Orcs, killing them, and wounding the cave troll.  
  
Pippin, or Lego-Pip, shoots an arrow into the cave troll.  
  
Gimli grabs his frying pan and whacks the Orcs with, "I think I'm getting the hang of it!"  
  
Soon enough, everyone did a little heroic move and the cave troll is dead. That was before Legolas was equipped with mithril and nearly got stuck through like a shish kebab.  
  
"To the bridge of Khazad-Dum!" Sam says, as they all run to the bridge.

* * *

A/N: Look for more insanity coming your way! Soon to be coming to a computer screen near you! Have fun, my buddies! That bad bit of Elvish would mean: Their armor is weak at the neck...and under the arms. 


	11. The Departure of Gandalf

A/N: Hi, everyone! Welcome back! Ok, on with the crazy story. I love it when you all say this is the craziest story you've ever read; it makes me sooooo happy! Ok, whatever, I'll just shut up and write the story.  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

_**Chapter Eleven: The Departure of Gandalf...(What a rip off from 'The Departure of Boromir'.../**laugh_/**_)_**  
  
"RUN!!!" Everyone screams, as they all run towards the bridge. Suddenly, Sam stops to take a head count.  
  
"Wait...where's Gandalf?" He asks. Everyone looks around in panic.  
  
"HEY!!! WAIT FOR ME!!!" Gandalf screams, running up to them.  
  
"Where were you?" Sam asks.  
  
"Well, I was running, then this freaky thing made of fire came up to me, and then I kicked it in the shin and it went away!" Gandalf says.  
  
"NOOOOO!! That was a BALROG!! Are you INSANE???" Sam screams.  
  
"EEEP!" Gandalf says.  
  
"Ok, now we're going to run our sorry butts over that bridge and everything will be ok." Sam says.  
  
They all run towards the bridge, and they are all across...except Sam...and then...  
  
"THE BALROG!!!!!" Legolas screams like a little girl.  
  
"Run, Sam, run!!!" Boromir yells, just like that guy for the Eggo commercial that goes, "Run, Eggo French Toaster Sticks, Run!!".  
  
"It's only a grease trap it's just like a sink, it's only a grease trap it's just like a sink!!!" Pippin says.  
  
"What the heck?"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
On the bridge, Sam is battling the Balrog.  
  
"You shall not pass!!!!!!!!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You shall not pass!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"You!"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes, you!"  
  
"Shall not do what?"  
  
"Pass!"  
  
"Who's passing?"  
  
"Not you!"  
  
"Someone else?"  
  
"Anyone but you!"  
  
"Those little Orcs?"  
  
"No, those can't come either."  
  
"Can you come?"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"A Party!!!"  
  
"I LOVE PARTIES!!!"  
  
"Ok, Wizard, come on!!!" And Sam and the Balrog tumbled down into who knows where and went to party...sure.  
  
"Sam!!!! Er, I mean...GANDALF!!!"  
  
"Come on..." and they all walk out, looking very sad and disappointed that Sam, the Honorable Wizard Hobbit, had died...or just partied.

* * *

A/N: Well, that's all then. Soon, the Run to Lorien or whatever. And, also, this isn't like one big parody, it'll be split up. So, whatever. Just look for the next chapter sometime soon. Like, tomorrow or whatever. 


	12. Running Onwards to Lorien because the hi...

A/N: Ok, I'm back and still alive and not choking on my massive gum wad. Well, if you think that Sam is coming back NOW, can I tell you what happened in the movie? Look for the Sequel, coming very shortly after the next, oh, few chapters. But for now, let's read the story!! And 'It's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink! It's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink!' is from the Disney Movie _Atlantis_. Yeah.  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

_**Chapter Twelve: The Race to Lorien (Is it really a race? Does it look like I care?)**_  
  
"Hurry! By nightfall these hills will be fair teeming with Orcs!" Boromir say.  
  
"Fair teeming?"  
  
"Fair teeming indeed, Boromir, son of Denethor." Boromir says.  
  
"That sounded freaky."  
  
"Ok, whatever, Boromir Aragorn, I don't care! We have to get to Lothlorien!" Boromir says, running through a stream, which is probably freezing cold.  
  
"Can't we just rest?" Pippin the Elf whines.  
  
"Do you think that the Orcs will wait until we've rested? They'll only kill us faster!"  
  
"Kill us faster?"  
  
"It's Will Turner!"  
  
"So it is!"  
  
And Will Turner has just walked across the screen, wearing a shirt that says, _"I'm a Pirate, Not An Elf or a Trojan Prince!!!"  
_  
"That's confusing."  
  
"Let's move on." Legolas says, running to catch up with Boromir.  
  
"Ok, now that we're all set and ready..."  
  
"Let's fly!"  
  
And so they run on towards Lothlorien. With Will Turner looking very confused and following them.  
  
"Give it up, Willy!"  
  
And so Will Turner stopped. Well, if that's not surreal!  
  
_At the Borders of Lothlorien..._  
  
"Ok. Everyone inside! We must get to Caras...Caras...Caras Something."  
  
"Caras Galadon?"  
  
"I don't care what the heck it's called, we just have to get there!!" Boromir screams.  
  
"Sir, yes, sir!"  
  
And in they walk.  
  
"I'm not Frodo, DANG IT!!" Frodo, who is Gimli, yells.  
  
"What was that, Frodo?"  
  
"Someone's talking to me! I have no evil!" Frodo yells.  
  
"Eep! ELVES!!" Boromir says, noticing the arrow pointed at his nose.  
  
"The hobbit yells so loud we could have shot him in the dark." Haldir says.  
  
"So, are you taking us to Caras...Caras...Caras..." Boromir says.  
  
"Caras Galadhon?" Haldir says.  
  
"I DON'T CARE!!!!"  
  
"Well, to answer that, not really. See, I don't get paid enough, and we're demonstrating outside the house of the Lord and Lady, so you'll just have to get there yourselves." Haldir explains.  
  
"Some help you are." Boromir mutters as he leads the Fellowship onwards.  
  
_Outside Caras Galadhon..._  
  
"WE NEED MONEY!! WE WANT RAISES!! WE NEED HONEY!! POVERTY DAZES!!!" Some random elves chant.  
  
"What? Makes no sense, they do."  
  
"That sentence made no sense."  
  
"Fine, Merry!" Pippin, Legolas, says.  
  
"I didn't know they were in poverty." Legolas says.  
  
"HEY! SHUT UP DOWN THERE!!!" Celeborn screams, tossing a pineapple at some elves, who scream and duck.  
  
"Take this!!!" Some Elf screams, tossing a meat cart at Celeborn.  
  
"ARGH!!!" Celeborn yells, taking one for the team in the eye.  
  
"Celeborn! Dearest!" Galadriel says, running over to him.  
  
"Take this, Galadriel!!" Another Elf says, tossing a produce cart at her.  
  
"AIIIIII!!" She yells, taking one for the team (really, there's a team?) and getting whacked in the mouth. Oh, that and a nectarine hits her in her all-seeing eye.  
  
"Look! Delegations from..." She says, pausing to remember.  
  
"Rivendell, dearest." Celeborn says.  
  
"I KNEW THAT!!" Galadriel screams, giving Celeborn the old one-two. Or whatever it is.  
  
"Sorry, mighty Elf!" Celeborn says, running inside the house as a fish stand goes up in flames.  
  
"AH! THE DELEGATIONS ARRIVED!" Galadriel says, looking at the fellowship.  
  
And so they ended up in Lothlorien, currently thrown into a state of governmental turmoil and all around chaos.

* * *

A/N: Ah, another chapter done! So sad... Ok, next will be Farewell to Lorien and then some other majorly major stuff. And then, the sequel! Oh, isn't it exciting? Thought you'd say that. Review, please! Only about 3 more chapters until the END of part ONE!!! 


	13. Explaining it all to Galadriel and Evil ...

A/N: Welcome back to the insanity. Ok, now will be some Lorien Stuff, lots of confusion, and some angry elves. This means we're coming towards the end of the Fellowship!! Nooo! But, there's always the Two Towers, and if you think I'm passing up that chance, you'd be insane!  
  
**Aragorn** = Boromir  
  
**Boromir** = Aragorn  
  
**Frodo** = Gimli  
  
**Gandalf** = Pippin  
  
**Gimli** = Sam  
  
**Legolas** = Frodo  
  
**Merry** = Merry  
  
**Pippin** = Legolas  
  
**Sam** = Gandalf

* * *

**_Chapter Thirteen: The Council of Lorien_**  
  
"Ok, can we see you in a...." Galadriel yells to the Fellowship, then gets cut off by a flying T-bone steak.  
  
"ARGH!! THAT'S IT!!!" She screams, ducking inside the house. Two moments later, two pink jets of light shoot out of the house, followed by evil, maniacal laughter.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!" Some random Elves scream, then hide behind a tree.  
  
"Who is that freak?" Frodo whispers to Merry.  
  
"WHAT??" Galadriel yells.  
  
"Who is that freak? I mean the person that so dared to hit you with a T- bone steak!" Frodo says.  
  
"Nice recovery." Aragorn whispers.  
  
"Ok, we'll be with you in a moment." Celeborn calls, running inside the house to fix his robes.  
  
A few moments later, Celeborn and Galadriel walk out of their house, both looking very stately and regal.  
  
"Hey, dudes." Merry says.  
  
"I'm not a dude."  
  
"Hey, Gandalf, can I speak with you?" Celeborn asks.  
  
"He's not here."  
  
"He's right there!"  
  
"No, I'm a hobbit!!"  
  
"Where's Gandalf?"  
  
"He fell. He was a great hobbit wizard."  
  
"Whatever. Ok, Grandson of my son-in-law, but not related to me by blood, let's talk." Galadriel says, going over to Aragorn.  
  
"I know you not!" Aragorn says.  
  
"You're Elrond's adopted son!!!" Galadriel says.  
  
"No, I'm the son of the Steward of Gondor!" Aragorn insists.  
  
"I'm you son-in-law's adopted son." Boromir says.  
  
"Ok, I know you not!" Galadriel says.  
  
"Hey, has everyone forgotten about the Elvish prince?"  
  
"Of course not, Legolas." Celeborn says, turning towards Legolas.  
  
"I'm Legolas!" Pippin says.  
  
"I'm Frodo." Legolas says.  
  
"I'm Gimli." Says Frodo.  
  
"I'm Pippin." Gandalf says.  
  
"I'm Merry." Merry says.  
  
"It's great that you're happy."  
  
"No, Merry's my name."  
  
"Sure. And my name is Sleepy."  
  
"Hey, he's my cousin!!" Gimli roars. (A/N: Heh, Gimli's a DWARF, as is Sleepy. From Snow White? Get it? Heh, no, it's not funny.)  
  
"Ok, and you must be..."  
  
"I'm Sam." Gimli says.  
  
And after giving the authoress a huge headache, she stopped. And suddenly, it was nighttime. This meant that the fellowship, except Legolas, were wearing flannel pajamas, courtesy of Lorien Fabric Market. Legolas was wearing green silk jammies.   
  
"Ok, now I want all of you to go sleep in that tree over yonder. And don't make noise or my wrath will find you. And don't dirty the carpet or Haldir's wrath will find you. Ruin that antique vase and my husband's wrath will find you. Touch Faramir and the authoress's wrath will find you...? Who wrote this???" Galadriel says, wearing a pink satin gown, and then she leaves.  
  
"Erm, sorry, couldn't resist." The authoress calls down and everyone forgets that last comment. Everyone except Boromir, that is.  
  
"I have a strange feeling that somewhere in Minas Tirith someone is stalking my brother." Boromir says.  
  
"You don't have a brother."  
  
"Shut up! I'm being myself for now, Aragorn, and being concerned with my brother's safety! If someone's stalking him, it's my right to know!!" Boromir screams.  
  
"Keep it down. I'm trying to sleep." Pippin mutters.  
  
"Who do you think you are?" Boromir asks.  
  
"Shut up and sleep."  
  
"KEEP IT DOWN!!!"  
  
"Sorry, Lady Galadriel."  
  
And with that, everyone slept peacefully. Except for Boromir, who was plagued by dreams of his brother being stalked by someone, courtesy of my computer's keyboard and me.  
  
"Must...save...brother...evil...woman...stalking...him..."

* * *

A/N: It ends. Next chapter, Farewell to Lorien. Ain't it sad? Not really. Ok, look for more soon!! Yay! Horray for comedy central! Or not. 


	14. Farewell to Lorien: The Second to the La...

A/N: Ok, here's the next chapter of...(Checks script) The Great Role Reversal. I'm going to take a break and let my slave...I mean, my co- worker...do the honors of introducing the reviewer compliments.  
  
**PopcornLeader**: As you see, I'm in a hurried frenzy to write this because of our threat. The last one. Beat me with a severed arm and/or leg, but I care not because my love for him (three guesses who, folks) is undying!!!  
  
And on with the story.

* * *

**_Chapter Fourteen: Farewell to Lorien (see? Right from the books!)_**  
  
"Can we leave? That lady creeps me out." Frodo says.  
  
"SSSSHHHH!! Don't let her hear you!"  
  
"Ok, everyone, it's high time you left. So, I'm giving you parting gifts!" Galadriel says.  
  
"Ok, Merry and Pippin, come hither!" Galadriel says, as Gandalf and Merry go forward.  
  
"These are the daggers of the Noldorin. And you'll get courage, one of you." Galadriel says.  
  
"Legolas, step forward!" Galadriel says, as Pippin goes forward.  
  
"This is the bow of the Galadhrim." Galadriel says.  
  
"Ok, next we have...Sam! Where's Sam?" Galadriel asks, as Gimli goes forward.  
  
"Ok, have your pick: Elvish rope of some magic dirt." Galadriel says.  
  
"I'll take the rope..."  
  
"Ok. Now...Gimli? Where's Gimli?"  
  
Frodo goes forward.  
  
"What you want?"  
  
"Er, can I tell you privately? It's a secret..."  
  
"Go ahead." Frodo whispers what he wants to Galadriel.  
  
"THAT'S AN OUTRAGE!!! But fine, here..." And she hands Frodo three hairs.  
  
"Cool! Can't wait to pawn them off for millions..."  
  
"GRRRR!!"  
  
"EEP! I WON'T DO THAT!!!"  
  
"Next we have...Aragorn? Is Aragorn here?" and Boromir steps forward.  
  
"Ok, you're Aragorn, correct? Ok, I have no greater gift to give you than my granddaughter's love...supposing you're Aragorn, which you aren't...but you are...ARGH!! THAT'S IT! EVERYONE, OUT!!!!" Galadriel screams.  
  
The Fellowship runs to their boats, stocked with lembas, supplies and other things, and paddles out towards the Anduin.  
  
"Boy, am I glad to be away from there!" Gandalf moans.  
  
"Oh, shut up!" Boromir says.  
  
"You're mean, man!"  
  
"Ha! I care not!"  
  
"So, what about that stalker?"  
  
"EEP! Speak not her name!"  
  
"You found it out, Boromir Aragorn?"  
  
"Perhaps."  
  
"Well, spit it out, man!" Everyone in the three boats yell. Though how they could hear is a mystery.  
  
"All right! Actually, in my sleep, another plaguing dream visited me. Firstly, I found out that the one stalking my brother is a woman from Gondor ("Duh!" said Aragorn) and her name is A Darker Side of Light. ("Long Name." Muttered Legolas). Then, I had a horrid dream in which someone named Breck was stalking me. And lastly, that someone named PopcornLeader was stalking Pippin. Not Gandalf, but the real Pippin." Boromir said.  
  
"Is the whole fellowship being stalked?" Legolas asked.  
  
"This is scary! We should set up camp here to avoid them." Aragorn says. And then they pull up by the falls of Rauros, where they make camp. Wow, time flies when talking about stalkers!

* * *

A/N: Ok, next chapter is the last one in the Fellowship Reversal. Look for the sequel; The Two Towers Revers'd (Liked Punk'd!) soon! Ok, next chapter coming, and then the sequel! Review, mellon nins (or whatever it is in Elvish.) 


	15. The Last Chapter: The End of the Fellows...

A/N: I'm back with the final chapter!!! Aren't you all going to cry? Yeah right. So, anyway, I'm letting my co-worker do the honors of reviewer responses. Who is this co-worker? None other than Sam, who is currently living in my kitchen and devouring all my Pringles! What am I to eat???  
  
**PopcornLeader**: Must you torment me with taking the precious away??? Well, here, it's done, so give him back NOW without damage! Mint in the box! Unscathed. Just gimme.  
  
And now, back to the story.

* * *

_**Chapter Fifteen: The Breaking of the Fellowship, the Departure of Boromir, and the Ring Goes East (Ooh, more book titles! Nearly.)**_  
  
The Fellowship is busy sitting around a fire. Frodo is sitting by Gandalf, whom he is talking to about anything under the sun.  
  
"We should leave now." Pippin says.  
  
"No, idiot, we can't! The Orcs will find us and then we'll all die!" Boromir protests.  
  
"Sorry." Pippin says.  
  
"When we do leave, we're going to the eastern shore. We wait for darkness." Boromir says.  
  
"Sure! Then we'll just get stuck in Emyn Muil, then go through the marshes??" Frodo asks.  
  
"That's our road."  
  
"Shouldn't you recover your strength?" Boromir asks Frodo pointedly.  
  
"ARGH!!!!" Frodo yells, taking a wild swing at Boromir as Gandalf watches on helplessly.  
  
Just then, Merry walks back with a bundle of firewood.  
  
"Anyone seen Frodo?" He asks.  
  
"I'm right..." Frodo begins, until Boromir who reminds him that he's Gimli whacks him in the stomach. Duh!  
  
"I'll go look for him." Aragorn volunteers.  
  
"Fine. That Elf is probably waltzing through the woods as we speak..."  
  
_In the Woods..._  
  
"La la LAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I'm so PRETTY and BEAUTIFULLLLL!! All the girls love MEEEEEE and no one ELSEEEEEE!!!!" Legolas sings, waltzing through the woods.  
  
"Honestly, Frodo, your singing could wake the dead!" Aragorn says. Suddenly, the King of the Dead comes out and throws a sock at Legolas for disturbing him. Aragorn and Legolas look confused.  
  
"Ok, anyway...La la LAAAAAAAAA!" Legolas starts to sing.  
  
"Why are you acting like that?"  
  
"Because the Ring makes me!!!" Legolas responds.  
  
"Ooooh! I want to sing like that too! It should have been mine, it could be mine! Give it to me!!" Aragorn screams, reaching for the Ring in hopes of singing.  
  
"Noooo!! Mine! I need to sing!!!!" Legolas screams.  
  
A big fight ensues, resulting with Legolas putting on the Ring and Aragorn looking rather dazed.  
  
_In the Twilight Realm (What we see when Frodo puts on the Ring)..._  
  
"I see you!!!!!!!" Sauron taunts.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEP!!! I'M SCARED!!!!!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!!" Legolas screams.  
  
"Shut that brat up!! He's giving me a migraine!!" Sauron complains.  
  
Legolas pulls off the Ring. He then is on top of that place, with the winged something or other.  
  
"Frodo!" Boromir says, coming out from behind something. "Where is the Ring?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! STAY AWAY!!!!!" Legolas screams.  
  
"Frodo!" Boromir asks, shocked.  
  
Legolas looks at Boromir.  
  
"I swore I would protect you!"  
  
"Can you protect me from yourself?"  
  
The Ring starts to say Elessar, Elessar, Aragorn, blah blah.  
  
"I would have gone with you to the fires of Mount Doom." Boromir says.  
  
Just then, Sting lights up!  
  
"Run, Frodo!" Boromir says. "GO! Run!"  
  
And as Legolas runs away, a massive army of Uruk-hais comes into the clearing.  
  
_Meanwhile, in the Woods..._  
  
Legolas is terrified and runs behind a tree as he sees the Uruk-hais, one of which is saying, "Find the Blondie!"  
  
"Frodo!"  
  
Legolas looks behind him and sees Merry and Gandalf hiding behind a tree root or stump or something.  
  
"Come on you dumb, blonde Elf, hide here, and do it quick!" Gandalf says.  
  
Legolas shakes his head.  
  
"Why not, you creep?"  
  
Legolas just shakes his head.  
  
"NO!" Gandalf says, jumping out in an attempt to kill Legolas.  
  
"Pippin!!!" Merry says, jumping out after him. The Uruk-hais turn towards Merry and Gandalf, as the two run, screaming and unwillingly creating a diversion.  
  
Legolas sighs in relief and continues on towards the river.  
  
_Meanwhile, by that Weird Winged Statue Thing...  
_  
Pippin and Frodo have stumbled on the scene, and Pippin is killing some Uruk-hais as is Frodo.  
  
"That's twelve already, dwarf!" Pippin says.  
  
"We're not counting!" Frodo says, who only has one.  
  
_Meanwhile, by Merry and Pippin..._  
  
"It's working!" Gandalf says.  
  
"I know, you idiot! Just run!" Merry says, as they are suddenly surrounded by Uruk-hais.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" they scream together.  
  
"FOR GONDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn yells, running onto the scene very heroically. Then, he blows the Horn of Gondor!  
  
_Meanwhile, by the Winged thing..._  
  
"The Horn of Gondor!" Pippin says, running towards the sound.  
  
Frodo and Boromir follow, looking confused as to how Pippin could hear that.  
  
They fight some other Uruk-hais, which delay them.  
  
Aragorn is fighting the Uruk-hais as Gandalf and Merry are throwing stones at them.  
  
Aragorn blows the Horn of Gondor again, and all the Uruk-hais flinch.  
  
"Shut that thing up!!!" the Leader Uruk-hai says.  
  
Aragorn watches in horror as an Uruk slices the Horn of Gondor.  
  
"NOOOOOOO!!!" He yells, looking very upset.  
  
Just then, an Arrow whizzes by and hits Aragorn, who falls backwards.  
  
"HE'S NOT DEAD!!!!" Gandalf screams.  
  
"AHHHH!" Aragorn yells.  
  
"Someone help him!!!!!"  
  
And by now, Aragorn has passed on...into the Bahamas!!!  
  
"Hey, mon, welcome to Jamaica, mon, check out de bar and de girls, mon!" The tour group guy says.  
  
"Yeah, I'm dead, is that a problem?"  
  
"No, mon, because this is de dead Jamaica! See, everyone dead in de Islands!"  
  
"I could get used to this!" Aragorn sighs, sipping a Martini in one hand and a Margarita in the other.  
  
_Meanwhile, in the Real World..._  
  
"He's dead? Holy crap, he's dead!!!" Gandalf screams.  
  
"You wanna be dead?" Merry asks.  
  
"Not really!"  
  
"Then RUN!!!" Merry says.  
  
Just then, some Uruks pick them up and run away with them.  
  
Later, Boromir, Pippin, and Frodo happen upon Aragorn's body, which is dressed in Jamaican clothes instead of the normal clothes.  
  
"He's in the Islands. They will look to his coming from the White Tower, but he will not return."  
  
Everyone stares at Boromir, who has a freaked out look on his face.  
  
"That was so weird. I was saying it about my self! That's creepy!!!!"  
  
"Ok, can we just move on? Being here creeps me out..."  
  
_Meanwhile, by the River..._  
  
"MR. FRODO!!!!!" Gimli yells. "HEY! POINTY EARED ELVISH PRINCELING!!!"  
  
Legolas looks behind him to see Sam.  
  
"Come on, we're leaving, Sam."  
  
"What?"  
  
"We need to go. I have to get to Mordor, and you're coming with me!"  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"YES, or I'll kill you."  
  
"That's harsh!!!" Gimli says, jumping in the boat.  
  
_Later..._  
  
"Hurry! Frodo and Sam have reached the eastern shore!" Pippin says, straining to push the boat in the water.  
  
"We're not following them. We must not abandon Merry and Pippin, or Gandalf, to torment and death. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let's hunt some Orc!" Boromir says, setting off into the woods.  
  
"YES!!!" Pippin and Frodo scream, as they, too, rush off into the woods.  
  
Legolas and Gimli are on top of a mountain.  
  
"Well, that's our road. Let's get going."  
  
"I'm glad you're here with me, Sam." Legolas says.  
  
"NO getting mushy or I'm out."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
And they continue on towards Mordor.

* * *

A/N: That's it, folks! Look for the sequel; Revers'd, coming soon! Drop me a long review if you'd like, or just write one word, whatever your style is. See you people on the sequel! 


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